Dear Annie: My wife’s vaping is driving…


Annie Lane writes the Expensive Annie recommendation column.

Expensive Annie:

My husband works with a man, “Dave.” I met Dave’s girlfriend, “Julie,” final summer time, and she or he’s a candy, earnest, trusting individual. She and I turned buddies, and we textual content and meet for espresso after we can.

Dave has been actually unkind to her in public (my husband witnessed this a couple of instances), and he’s stated some shockingly merciless issues to her. She lastly broke up with him a couple of weeks in the past however, being a delicate and romantic soul, is feeling torn and wistful.

My husband tells me that Dave has been bragging at work about hooking up with ladies throughout city and likewise with Julie as a result of “she was available.” He additionally stated he hates condoms and doesn’t use safety. I’m involved for my buddy’s security. If Dave reaches out to her and desires to reconnect, she’ll probably be open to it once more and gained’t notice he’s placing her in danger.

Ought to I inform her about his habits? She’ll be damage, and it’ll definitely trigger drama and make issues awkward for my husband at work. Perhaps Dave and Julie have reduce all contact now. However, she is aware of him higher than she is aware of me. What do you suppose? None of my enterprise? Or is it incorrect to remain silent? — No Drama Mama

Expensive No Drama:

Though it’s a brand new friendship, I’d say your relationship with Julie trumps the one your husband has with a schmuck of a co-worker like Dave. And if it entails a possible threat to her private well being — info Dave doubtless is not going to volunteer in the event that they do rekindle a relationship — Julie ought to know someway.

Gently let Julie know the gist of what you’ve heard. (Fewer gory particulars means much less threat of hassle at work on your husband.) With this new info, Julie could make a extra knowledgeable choice about Dave. And if she decides he’s historical past, you will have been what saved her from extra complications, heartache or worse.

Expensive Annie:

I finished smoking cigarettes utterly in 2014. My spouse ultimately did the identical, nevertheless, she picked up one nasty, horrible behavior: vaping.

I can not stand the odor of it. It drives me loopy, but she continues to smoke round me in the home. I flip the followers on when she does, however it nonetheless inundates the room, and she or he doesn’t have sufficient respect to not smoke in the home.

If she had been smoking cigarettes, she wouldn’t achieve this in the home, so why is vaping any totally different? I believe it reveals nice disrespect by not honoring my request. — Smokeless Partner

Expensive Smokeless:

Kudos to you for kicking the nicotine; as on your spouse, she’s traded one dangerous behavior for an additional.

What she does on their own by herself is one factor, however in widespread areas, she has to compromise with everybody else. If she insists on persevering with to vape, she has to take action the place others gained’t be bothered by it. Simply as you possibly can’t make her cease vaping, she will’t make you comfy with one thing you’re not.

Although it’s not the identical as smoking, vaping comes with well being dangers of its personal, and your spouse ought to pay attention to them. If she needs to place her personal well being in danger, that’s as much as her, however in terms of that of her family members, she has to grasp and respect their need to flee the vape.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut e book — that includes favourite columns on love, friendship, household and etiquette — is obtainable as a paperback and e-book. Go to for extra info. Ship your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].


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